Early Spring Valentines Newsletter
Valentine's Early Spring Newsletter
Greetings Earthlings... Anyone for Valentines' pancakes? "Naaaar.." Hmm didn't think so, Treakle sauce.. "NO!" A dozen red roses it is then... hmmph!
So, The Lady Serena and I are celbrating twety-five years of being together on our valentine Bundaversary!
It's at this time of year that a young man's thoughts stray from school text books and Sabbath records to the finer things in life such as pretty girls with curls in frilly white dresses frolicking through flower meadows and the Birds and the Bees; The Sun kissing your skin and the scent of Cherry blossom on the breeze sends something stirring down below. Don't worry- this is quite natural and happens to everyone at a certain stage of their lives. If you find however, that your mind is drifting off too far up the road to 'pervy-land' then try to resist and think of mundane thoughts instead, such as 'I must change the bed sheets soon.' or 'Don't forget, bins out on Monday' etc and you should be okay.
Well, for the last two years I have been sectioned into the luny ward for two months each spring, let's insist this inappropriate detention does NOT happen again because to be quite honest I would rather walk around the village with dog poop down my pants than end up in that shit hole again when there's sod all wrong with me.
This whole thing with the Meerkats has gone a bit too far now wouldn't you agree? A bit stupid even to start with wasn't it really.
So on a more serious note, John's mum died a year ago and she left him over £100,000 in inheritance but the remaining family have put it in a trust along with his home, with the two sisters as the executors of the trust, so he can't access it- it's ring fenced and John is skint while the sisters are taking multiple holidays to Greek and Spanish islands- John hasn't left the UK since 2002 or had a holiday and has been sectioned into mental hospital 10 times since then for no real good reason.
GIGI The Gossip Girl : "On the Pete Townsend vs John Cook trial, today in court the dury heard that John's dad installed a nano-technology transponder into his ear (using a gas spray wand obtained surreptitiously from aliens) and it has manifest into his audio nervous system in his brain. It can connect him audibly to other people inside his ear and can cause extreme pain also. The 'device' reads his brain waves and can decipher words and accurate samples from his thinking- it is a very advanced technology and has become a very serious situation for him." Townsend is now filing for Deformation of Character and the whole thing is costing the hard working tax payer- that's me and you, an absolute fortune. People want a Not Guilty verdict for John now but there are a few hard core Who fans (who hang out outside Tesco's in their green Parker coats with the targets on the back) not helping the process.
Cadbury's Milk Chocolate Button Easter Eggs all round then. (Hooray!) hate Cadbury's cream eggs though, they're too gooey and sickly.
That reminds me: Alexa; Play a Bukakke video... "Playing a Bukakke video"
"Stop Press !" Grrrrindd. What?.. "Only Jokin' carry on...lol" Oh FFS!
So, on Shrove Tuesday John hooked up with a couple of lads from down the rubber-dub-dub, one of whom was into drumming a bit, and they set off up to the entrance of Buckingham Palace in London- the flag was up showing her majesty was residing there at the time. There they quickly set about jamming Sex Pistols covers out the back of the dirty green Transit van, until the filth turned up and we all had to peg it, but Phil was a good driver and we lost the bastards ! ha ha! John and the boys got back home to Augie and Serena pissing themselves laughing at the whole entire venture and many ales were drunk in celebration.
Dylan speaks out: "I hope you stashed some dried shrooms coz we're out of season but hey that fungus that grows in Sheri's garden is out of order! The Wild's playlist is enough to give you a great trip man! Check it."
The Wild have released over 30 tracks with a record label and want to release more but it's taking them ages to put them into the stores so please be patient.
Happy Easter soon! Don't eat too much choccy and get fat will ya...
John & sheri x